Lenten Blog – Day 16 – Third Sunday in Lent

Luke 13:1-9

At that very time there were some present who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. He asked them, ‘Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were worse sinners than all other Galileans? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish as they did. Or those eighteen who were killed when the tower of Siloam fell on them—do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others living in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all perish just as they did.’ Then he told this parable: ‘A man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came looking for fruit on it and found none.  So he said to the gardener, “See here! For three years I have come looking for fruit on this fig tree, and still I find none. Cut it down! Why should it be wasting the soil?” He replied, “Sir, let it alone for one more year, until I dig round it and put manure on it.  If it bears fruit next year, well and good; but if not, you can cut it down.” ’

Taking a break from the Baptismal Covenant, here’s my sermon for the third Sunday of Lent.

What to take from the above?  I was hoping, in a way, that it would be another politically motivated Jesus so I could tie in issues of our political nature and Trump and whatnot - especially the whatnot - but here we get words like repent and perish and I try to look at in the context of the people and the situation.  Not knowing what lead into this reading and what followed, what I take from this are two things:

Thing 1:  Repent.

Thing 2:  Give yourself a chance.

I am reminded that the people in biblical times are not as “learned” as us in the 21^st Century.  How many people during this time of Jesus were illiterate?  How many people during this time of Jesus had any sort of formal learning?  Or could understand concepts beyond good/evil, black/white, hate/love?  Sure, you had the learned scholars, the rabbis, the people in power who used fear and intimidation to control the masses but the masses were controllable by fear and intimidation.  Me thinks there wasn’t a lot of talk of hope and change and promise.  And if there WERE talks of hope and change and promise, it was wrapped in power, war, revenge, retribution.  I have to remind myself that the people who were under the thumb of the Roman Authorities expected their Messiah to come in on a white horse, guns blazing.  Not a carpenter talking about things like love.  They wanted an eye-for-an-eye and Jesus was talking about turning the other cheek.

Understanding the audience then, what to take from Jesus’s words?  Again, this was a time that if you got sick it was because of something your father or mother did.  Karma seemed to be the overwhelming concept:  You stubbed your toe?  You must have told a lie the week before.  Someone has an epileptic seizure today we know what’s going on.  2000+ years ago, they’re inhabited by the devil because they or their parents did something wrong.

In Jesus’ words he’s saying “repent.”  Talk about what you did wrong, own up to your failings, come back to God.  Maybe implying to them that if they repent, bad stuff won’t happen to them (or their children) but also saying:  “Look at those who died when the tower fell on them.  Do you think they deserved that because of their sins?”

I imagine the listeners looking at Jesus and then one another and saying:  “you know, he has a point.”

And then Jesus ends with a parable about the fig tree where I think what he’s saying to these people is this:  “Give yourself a chance.  Dig your soil, feed your soul, work on your love for God and see if it bears fruit.  I know it’s a struggle and that you haven’t bore any fruit...yet.  But work on it.”

At least that’s what I took from this scripture.

Lenten Blog – Day 15 – Baptismal Covenant, Part 2

Baptismal Covenant, Part 2

Celebrant	Do you believe in God the Father?
People	I believe in God, the Father almighty,     creator of heaven and earth.

Okay, just a quick editorial note for clarification. What I had started including in these blogs about the Baptismal Covenant was the actual Baptismal CEREMONY. Still, I wanted to make some points and tell that story (see Day 14 Part 2 of Part 1) but now we’re into the whole Baptismal Covenant thing. My apologies for any confusion that may, or may not have, happened.

Thank you. Now, where were we?

When the priest of our church left after 30 years of being in charge, I was put on both the committee to write up the priest proposal (basically an elaborate job description) and the committee to interview priests. I suggested that we use the Baptismal Covenant as a template, if you will of talking points. To show how our church lives out the baptismal covenant and, hopefully, that would be a selling point to those interested.

I think, during Lent, it’s also a good time to figure out these talking points in our own lives.

Above is the first question and it brings me back to my initial blog points. In 2016 with the in-roads in science and nature and life and all, do I truly believe that someone named “God” created heaven and earth. And then it brings in the whole “father” thing again. And, damn, I’m right back to square one struggling with the concept of anthropomorphic and “father” and all the baggage those images or words entail. Add all the sciency stuff and I truly do have to ask do I believe this? Well...do I believe that the world is only 6,000 years old as many fundamentalists do? No, I gather it’s much MUCH older than that. Then where did it come from? What about the Big Bang? And what if that Big Bang is God?

When stories of creation come up and Noah and the flood, all I imagine is that people are so intent to find some discernible TRUTH that God exists that there would be no questions whatsoever and people can say: HA! See!! Right there, buddy. PROOF! I think someone was even saying that the design of the banana was proof that God exists.

I imagine that I will struggle with these concepts my entire adult life but that’s what makes it fun, in a way. If I can just believe there is no God, then I feel my sense of wonder is diminished (and I truly believe there is SOMETHING beyond all this).

Whether God created the Heaven and Earth in seven days or seven quintillion days, I think the lyrics to the Iris Dement Song “Keep Me God” sums up how I feel.

Now, I don't know just where God lives
ain't all that sure just exactly who God is
I don't know if there's a church
that deserves to take God's name
I just know that when I look around here I see
the hand of someone or something
that is bigger than me
and I call that God
and then I pray "Just, keep me God"

And if that’s believing. I’m good with that.

Lenten Blog – Day 14 – Baptismal Covenant, Part 2 of Part 1

I prided myself on being a “good kid.”  One of those you can count on.  I remember when I was nine or ten I would stand in the Ballard lobby area and open doors for people.

Being nice was instilled in me from a young age.  Was this something that was intrinsic in my upbringing or just something I learned going along?

Nice guys do, indeed, often finish last – and we often get “friend zoned” during those awkward high school years when the hot girl(s) we’re attracted to are only interested in the bad boys or the hot clueless guys and I’m stuck listening to them lament that so-and-so doesn’t like them, or doesn’t take them out anywhere and blah blah blah.

So, yeah, it’s not all peaches and cream being the nice guy, the good kid, the one “everyone can count on” because sometimes you don’t want to be nice, or good, or countable on.  Sometimes you want to skip church or tell your friend you don’t have time to talk (or most likely listen) and sometimes you just want to eat cinnamon rolls, by yourself, while watching terrible films – but I digress.

When I was 16 or 17 and squarely in my “good kid” phase I had made a number of friends with kids at church.  One of the kids was a gal by the name of Katy.  She was completely and totally adorable and just a year or two younger than me.  I liked her.  A lot.  If we could have dated, I would have been happy with that.  She had started going to our local church youth group and she had gone to our regional church functions and she was fun and sweet and she saw something in me that she liked.  Maybe my “goodness?”  (((shrug)))

As she delved deeper into her faith she decided she wanted to be baptized and asked me to be her Godfather.  How could I refuse her?  But when I asked the priest if we could be boy-friend/girl-friend after I pledged to be her Godfather he said:  “No.”  (Now, of course, 30+ years later I realize that’s probably not in any sort of biblical or liturgical writings strictly forbidding this but, yeah, at the time it probably sounded a bit sketchy.)  So I bit my tongue and did the right thing and on that wonderful Sunday morning (maybe Easter?) I pledged to be her Godfather and to see that she was brought up in the Christian faith and life.

See, it says so RIGHT HERE:

When all have been presented the Celebrant asks the parents and
godparents

Will you be responsible for seeing that the child you present
is brought up in the Christian faith and life?

Parents and Godparents

I will, with God's help.

AND THIS!

Celebrant

Will you by your prayers and witness help this child to grow
into the full stature of Christ?

Parents and Godparents

I will, with God's help.

To make a long story short, or to keep this blog at a reasonable length, I failed.  Failed.  Failed.

Katy and I stayed friends through the rest of high school but then life interrupts and things happen and excuses are made and we completely and totally lost touch.

I have very few regrets in life and not following through with the above is one of them (I even included this, kind of, in the film I made:  “Daylight Saving Time” – check it out on Vimeo.com).

Sure, maybe I didn’t truly comprehend what I was getting into when I said I would be her Godfather.  Maybe the depth of the pledge skitted along the surface like a skinny stone on water.  Maybe I still hoped we’d date.  I don’t know.  I’ve run out of excuses.

Years went by and I lost touch with that entire group of friends.  Babies were born and raised.  Jobs were won and lost and I wondered about Katy and my lack of commitment.

Then, finally, I made the effort.  A chance meeting or conversation with one of the group of friends lead to a phone number or an e-mail and I called or e-mailed her.

It would have been great if after losing touch for 20+ years I found her to be a good solid Christian living the good life and accomplishing all those things that I pledged to do (WITH GOD’S HELP FOR GOD SAKES!).

Alas, she had struggles.  She had run into some hard times and things had been rough.  Even if I wasn’t her Godfather at least I could have been the ear on the other end of the phone to listen or help in SOME way.  You know, that whole “nice guy” thing that I aspired to be.  Could I have eased a burden?  Could I have helped?  Could I have given some half-assed advice?  Could I have just BEEN THERE?  I sure as hell could have…but I wasn’t.

She still lived nearby and we planned to meet but, even then, I failed on that.  It was as if it was all so much easier to kind of pretend that it never happened, though the hole in my spiritual heart reminded me.

Years passed from those conversations and I took solace in her words of “That’s okay.”  Sure, at 15 or 16 she probably didn’t fully understand the commitment found in baptism and I, certainly didn’t fully understand the commitment found in being a Godfather.

Eventually we found each other on Facebook and have been Facebook friends since.

Have I seen her in person in 30+ years?  Maybe it’s about time I stepped up.

Lenten Blog – Day 13 – Baptismal Covenant, Part 1

I was not baptized in the Episcopal Church.  When I was probably 7 or 8 I was baptized by my Uncle Pete who was a pastor in a church in Indiana.  This was a “dunking” baptism.  I don’t recall there being any Godfathers (or Godmothers).  I don’t recall reciting anything other than agreeing to do it.  I don’t even think it was part of a church service but more a:  “Hey, let’s baptize Matt today!”

What I truly remember about my baptism?  My mom bought me the soundtrack to “Godspell” as a gift.  At Northgate Mall.

During Lent it is common for people, at Easter, to get baptized.  The process of Lent has been used for centuries to prepare people for baptism or to bring people back into the church who may have strayed from the path and did something wrong.  The forty days became either a learning period up to the Baptismal Ceremony or it was a “come to Jesus” period (literally) to make one right with the Lord and reunited on Easter day.

In the Episcopal Church, the Baptismal Covenant is pretty darn important and, even if we don’t have an infant, child, adult to baptize, you can be darn sure clear that a few Sundays out of the year, we’ll be reciting the baptismal covenant.  Kind of a “refocus” on the basics.  Every Sunday we recite the Nicene Creed which is kinda like the Baptismal Covenant but sometimes you need to the read and response to maybe align the ol’ synapses in your brain.  (Or maybe you don’t, I don’t know how your brain works).

Figuring I have 40 of these things to write, I decided to tackle the Baptismal Covenant and figure that should take up a handful of blogs and it’s something that I, too, need to be reacquainted with on occasion.

Let’s start with just the basics.

In our church we have a baptismal font in the back (basically a large brass tub) – and when the ceremony is about to start – the candidate(s) and their sponsors are asked to move to the back.

They surround the font and the priest pours in water (typically warmed up especially if you’re dealing with an infant) and blesses the water with a prayer.

What is a sponsor?  Well, the sponsor is someone who may have brought the child or friend to church.  Someone who supports them in their spiritual journey and can vouch for them.  Now this isn’t something that just happens that morning.  Typically there are a few classes or sessions where things are discussed as to what’s going to happen and what is expected of the sponsor.

Sponsors are typically for adults or teenagers while Godparents are for the “wee little ones.”

Adults and Older Children

The candidates who are able to answer for themselves are presented
individually by their Sponsors, as follows

Sponsor

I present N. to receive the Sacrament of Baptism.

The Celebrant asks each candidate when presented

	Do you desire to be baptized?
Candidate	I do.

Infants and Younger Children

Then the candidates who are unable to answer for themselves are presented
individually by their Parents and Godparents, as follows

Parents and Godparents

I present N. to receive the Sacrament of Baptism.

When all have been presented the Celebrant asks the parents and
godparents

Will you be responsible for seeing that the child you present
is brought up in the Christian faith and life?

Parents and Godparents

I will, with God's help.

Celebrant

Will you by your prayers and witness help this child to grow
into the full stature of Christ?

Parents and Godparents

I will, with God's help.

Let’s just stop here for a moment.  There’s a bunch to think about in just these few words.  “…brought up in Christian Faith and Life?”  Are we talking “Jerry Falwell Christian Faith and Life?  Billy Graham?  Ted Cruz?”  Or…

“…child grow into the full stature of Christ?”  Help the child grow into a Christ like person?  A Christ who advocated for the poor and the hurting and the sick and the needy and showed love and challenged authority and, ultimately, was crucified, died, buried and risen again?

Wow.  Now you know why babies often get pretty dresses to wear on the day of their baptism.

But twice the parents and Godparents say:  “I will with God’s help.”

When you look at the Episcopal wedding service the bride and groom do not say:  “I do.”  But they say:  “I will.”  To do is to accomplish and be done.  Done is done and did.  To will is to progress, it is not accomplished, it is not done.  It is a promise to move forward. I will try.  I will succeed.  I will stumble.  I will fall.  I will struggle.  I will get back up.

“…with God’s help.”

Acknowledging that we’re not in this alone.  Whatever your image of God is (see previous blogs if you want my muddled thoughts), there is help.  There is a basic understanding that this journey you are setting on to help a child to be “brought up in Christian Faith and Life and grow into the full stature of Christ” is not a solitary journey of deep responsibility but a journey of faith through assistance and help.

But that doesn’t mean stumbles don’t happen, certainly.  More on this tomorrow…

Lenten Blog – Day 12 – Soul Feeding

They come from everywhere and that’s the way it’s always been.  One drives 30 minutes from Renton, one comes from West Seattle (South End even).  One comes from a mile away.  Where are they going?  What are they doing?  They’re going to the Shorecrest Performing Arts Center to perform in “(Not your Mom’s) HMS Pinafore.”

And this is just these two weeks of performances, not the many miles spent driving to two different rehearsal locations and the hours upon hours of rehearsing at home and singing the same songs over and over and over…again.

My brother played soccer into his 50’s but his body has finally told him to stop.  PLEASE!

My mother paints.

Miriam works on scrapbook pages.

I stage manage play productions and I write, too, on occasion – even more than an annoying Lenten blog.

People will write these things off as a “hobby” or an “interest” or a “sport” or something.  That, my friends, undercuts what we’re truly doing and that is feeding our very souls.

I mean, what else is the answer in terms of time and energy and money?  What could they possible get out of it?  Countless hours away from loved ones.  Feeding a gas pump like it’s a slot machine.  Stress, pressure, angst.  Frustration.

Why else do we do this?

Certainly people can psychoanalyze and come up with some basic reasoning as to why people take on tasks that provide little or no reward.  I mean it’s not like my brother is being slipped $50 for keeping a ball out of a net for 90 minutes.  And, sure, there could be some terms of level of satisfaction that people get when a job is complete – Miriam’s scrap book pages are amazing works of art – truly.

But I honestly think that we do these things to connect with our very soul.  That, deep down, we need these things (whatever your thing is) to touch a part of us that is possibly unexplainable.

So I ask you during this 2016 Lenten season:  What are you doing to feed your soul?

Lenten Blog – Day 11 – Let the Power Struggle Begin

Luke 13:31-35

At that very hour some Pharisees came and said to him, ‘Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you.’  He said to them, ‘Go and tell that fox for me, “Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work.  Yet today, tomorrow, and the next day I must be on my way, because it is impossible for a prophet to be killed away from Jerusalem.”  Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!  See, your house is left to you. And I tell you, you will not see me until the time comes when you say, “Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.” ’

At some point my mother wanted me to become a priest.  I don’t know exactly when, but she’d pepper our conversations with it enough that I knew what she wanted.  Just like little Ralphie wanting a “Red Ryder BB Gun,” I knew my mom would like me to become a priest.  And in the Episcopal Church I could still give her grandchildren.

In the Episcopal Church we use something called a Lectionary.  Each Sunday an Old Testament Reading is read, a psalm, or portion of a psalm (depending on how long it is) is read and then a reading from the New Testament.  After that, the Priest in charge reads a reading from the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke & John).  The people who created the Lectionary where all the readings can be found tried to find a common theme or thread that runs through them all.  Sometimes it works great.  Sometimes you’re left scratching your head.

The Priest then preaches on the readings of the day.  Typically a priest will focus on the Gospel reading but he, or she, can pick-and-choose from the four what they want to talk about.  And, again, since they’re SUPPOSED to all be in common (kinda) hopefully they’ll inform each other.

During Lent, I’m taking the Gospel reading for the Sunday and am going to write about it (kind of like a sermon).  This will take up one of my 40 blogs!  Oh boy!  One more down just another couple dozen to go:

It’s an election year in the United States and Social Media and television networks are ablaze with political news.  Speeches, sound-bites, seemingly endless debates, town halls, call-ins, Twitter messages, it goes and goes ad nausea.

In this work-a-day world of 24-7 news feed and social media it is very difficult to just turn your back on the political machine.  Michelle, my daughter, has said though that she “doesn’t pay attention to it.”  I wish I could say the same thing, sometimes.

This reading from Luke reminds me that the struggle that takes Jesus to Calvary and his eventual death and resurrection is based on a political struggle.  The story of Christ from the virgin birth to his resurrection seems to lose some luster by referring to it as a political revolution, but in many ways, that’s what it was.

In this reading we see the Pharisees basically giving Jesus a:  “Hey, dude, cut that out or the mayor’s going to be pissed.”  And Jesus saying right back:  “Nah.  I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing and you can go back and tell him that.”  But then Jesus says:  “Still…I’m going to take my leave for a bit and I’d love to be able to help all the people you’re not helping.  So, guess, what I’LL BE BACK!  And then you’ll see!”

Jesus has, basically, thrown the gauntlet down and you can bet that Herod didn’t take the news too well.

This is just one of many scriptures where Jesus challenges the status quo.  I almost see Jesus holding up a “Jewish Lives Matter” sign in this moment when talking to the Pharisees and, of course, once he’s away from the city, what is Herod to do but wonder about this “miracle worker” and his desire to bring all people under his wing?  Is Jesus amassing an army?  Is Jesus going to come back with (figuratively) guns blazing?  Jesus is basically calling out the authority and you can bet your hat that if this was the USA today, he’d be on some watch list somewhere.

Still – what are we to make of Jesus and this struggle against a corrupt authority?  How does it inform our own struggle against authority?  How do we afflict the comfortable while comforting the afflicted?  Can we, you, me, I, spend part of these 40 days wondering about our own political structure and see how it deals with those that Christ seemed so very concerned:  The poor, the sick, the dying, the old, the marginalized, the hated, the weird, the different, the “other?”

If we look at Jesus’s journey through these 40 days as an act of a political revolution that would eventually lead to his death (and his resurrection) – how does that change Lent for you?  Or does it?

Lenten Blog – Day 10 – Getting Back to Basics

The body of Cheryl DeBoer was found in a culvert quite a ways from where her car was parked.  The search for her had gone on for five or six days.  As I walked to and from the transit center her poster was on walls, people handed out little photos from her, in the pouring rain a command center was set up in the library parking lot.  Friends and family had mobilized to find her.  She was found and she was dead.

Nick dated a girl named “T” for a while.  She was active in the theatre at the High School.  She was more “crew” than “cast” and she was cool.  A very nice girl.  Our house was kind of the “hub” during Nick and Michelle’s high school years and we enjoyed many an evening of teenagers hanging out, watching TV, playing video games – doing teenagery stuff.  “T” hung out, too, but not as much as the others.  Her family was into sports, soccer mostly, and they often had games or practices to go to.  We didn’t get to know her, or her family, very well.

Something had happened.  “T” had gone to school but she had not come home.  Her car was found a few blocks from the school and her cell phone was used but when pressed, it was used by some kids that found it.  “T” was missing and no one knew where.

Panic struck and everyone was looking for her.  Friends and family scattered out.  E-mails were searched, postings were read, the story of her missing was published on-line.  Miriam was called by a local news reporter wanting information that Miriam couldn’t give her.

Police were, obviously, called.  Day turned to night and she was still gone.  Nick slept by his phone and answered all questions asked of him.  Miriam didn’t sleep.

At this point I was stage managing a play in Everett “Enchanted April” and I was already going to miss the final weekend of the play to go to my father’s half-funeral in upstate New York.

“T’s” Mother was out-of-town in D.C. with her younger sister and “T’s” father had other commitments dragging him away from the home.

As 24 hours slowly turned into 48 hours, we were asked to “hang out” at the house for any news.  The hope was that wherever “T” was, she’d return home and someone needed to be there.

Even though we were getting closer to opening night of the play my brain couldn’t go really beyond where “T” was and what was going to happen next.  Would we be putting up posters?  Would she be on the evening news?  How long until the tide turns from missing to potentially dead to actually dead?  You don’t want to go there, you don’t even want to be within a couple blocks of there but what if…?

As I was calling cues and hovering around my “corner” of the stage, Miriam called me.  “T” had been found.  Alive.  She was in a small room in the house how and when she got there, no one knew.  When discovered she had no idea who Nick, or her friends, were.

From what we pieced together, “T” was under some major stress as her grades weren’t where they should be and she needed to do quite a bit of work to overcome the bad grades.  When she had gotten to the school or was done (I can’t remember) she blacked out into something that might be referred to as “Dissociative Amnesia.”

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/dissociative-amnesia

In layman terms:  Her brain snapped.  And, “poof,” four years were suddenly gone.

I rushed home to be with Nick and Miriam and, though Nick and “T” went to their prom, it was obvious that their relationship could not recover.  A few weeks before this all happened, Nick and “T” and Karin (Nick’s lovely wife) went down to a place called Gasworks Park and Nick’s friend took photos of the three of them goofing off.

You may be asking, and rightly so, how this relates to Lent.

Well – in those hours where “T” was gone, I realized later how everything returned to the basics.  None of the “stuff” that takes up so much of our mind space:  Sports, Theatre, Writing, TV Shows, Work, etc. meant nothing.  And part of Lent is realizing the importance of the real world and the real stuff and what really, truly, matters:  Friends, Family and Faith.  Enough of the BS that fills our life and adds a layer (or ten) between what we think is important and what is truly important.  When the potential of death is on the line life goes down the root basics of survival.

When you spend 40 days wrestling with your own mortality and, in a way, God – then maybe it’s time to get back to basics.

Lenten Blog - Day 9 - The God Monologues

The Vagina Monologues is made up of a varying number of monologues read by a varying number of women. Each of the monologues deals with an aspect of the feminine experience, touching on matters such as sex, love, rape, menstruation, female genital mutilation, masturbation, birth, orgasm the various common names for the vagina, or simply as a physical aspect of the body. A recurring theme throughout the piece is the vagina as a tool of female empowerment, and the ultimate embodiment of individuality.

It all started with a comment from Jason to Eric and then it blew into something else entirely. A bit of background first:

Jason was a devout Jehovah’s Witness during our high school years. Eric was a good Roman Catholic and I was, and still am, the Episcopalian.

I can’t remember HOW it all got started, just know that it got started because at this point in our lives, Jason calls himself an Atheist and/or non-believer while Eric is still the Roman Catholic and I’m still the Episcopalian. Suffice it to say Eric made a comment about God or religion and Jason commented back and the debate was ON!

In THIS corner you have an ex-communicated Jehovah’s Witness-now Atheist and in THAT corner you have Roman Catholic Eric. Refereeing this match is Matt - the milquetoast Episcopalian who wants everyone to just love each other and get along.

As this on-line debate grew, others started to chime in. Some with strong Christian beliefs, some with no beliefs whatsoever. Some who had a deep faith now no longer, some who were questioning. This debate lasted a few days (weeks?) and spanned some thousands of back and forth comments.

Was anything resolved at the end? Did Jason suddenly decide to pay attention to the Pope. Did Eric renounce “Vatican 2 - Now More Vaticany!” I don’t think so. But the exercise enabled the brain synapses to work and that’s, typically, a good thing.

What I ended up with was an idea for a stage play called “The God Monologues.” Fascinated by people and their relationship with God, or not, I wanted to collect stories from all around the country from all walks of life. Both from people who have found God and how and why and what having God in their life means to them and those who have rejected God or feel that God has not part in their life and why and how not having God in their life means to them.

The plan was to collect these stories and put on a stage play. Jason bought in, my friend Cami bought in and we pulled in some people who actually know something about putting on a play. Jason created an AMAZING website and we put out the call for stories. This was going to be our “bread and butter” the content for the actual play.

Using Social Media and other avenues the call went out. As the stories came in, though, I was surprised. The ratio of “has no relationship with God” to the “has a relationship with God” was about 8 to 1. I assumed we’d be more evenly split.

The other problem was that the stories about no relationship were actually very intense and heartfelt and, in some ways, heart breaking. Whether it was escaping from a cult, an abusive relationship with their “Christian” family, their struggle to deal with massive amounts of guilt due to their sexuality or upbringing, etc. Whereas the stories about people having relationships with God amounted almost entirely to: “God loves me, so I love him.” Or “I was raised in the church and....cool.”

Conflict creates stories and if there’s little or no conflict - there are little if no stories.

It was vitally important from Day One that the stories we get were true. We didn’t want to just make stuff up but we also wanted a core balance. If we had ten “non-believer” stories, I wanted ten “believer” stories. I didn’t want to be accused of pushing a certain belief (or non-belief - even though I’m a believer) because we weighed certain stories more than others. In fact, if we were to ever have finished/created this play, I would almost want it down to the minute just so if someone came up to me afterward and said: “Well, geeze, I think you really pushed the non-believer stories” - I could honestly say: “We had ten stories each, the non-believer stories took up 48 minutes, the believer stories took up 47 minutes.”

As the non-believer stories filled the website we then started approaching people who were believers directly and, surprisingly, what came back was that some feared they would, a. be made fun of or b. be challenged on what they believed and how they got there.

We assured them that neither would happen but, alas, we never got a good enough ratio and the play has been put on indefinite hold.

Every so often I get a hankering to put it back out there. Or just start doing research and finding true stories out on the internet and use those, changing the names as needed.

Maybe someday.

Lenten Blog – Day 8 – Denial – Not Just a River in Egypt

I don’t do denial well.  I like things.  Stupid things like DVD movies and not just really good classic films but really REALLY bad movies.  I rationalize that I learn more about film making from watching “The Room” or “Manos Hands of Fate” than I do watching “The Avengers” or “Gone with the Wind.”  Watching films with enormous budgets is like watching David Copperfield perform illusions.  They’re so spectacular that you’re just blown away.  Watching films not made well on very little budgets is like watching a magician just starting out.  You see the strings, you see the sleight-of-hand, you can easily figure out how the trick is done – and in the same breath – say “I can do it better.”

When I started my work-out routine I immediately gave myself an “off” day.  A day that if I wanted to hit the buffet or go out to lunch with friends or just gorge on a big plate full of calories, I could do so.  Even now as I continue to work out, I don’t do so much so I can lose weight or stay in shape – it’s so I won’t feel guilty eating handfuls of M&Ms or 7-11 Hot Dogs (slathered in “chili” and “cheese”).

As Lent approaches I go through the:  “Should I not eat chocolate?”  “Should I fast?”  “Should I deny myself things that I like?”  And to what end?  Do I take the 15 seconds from eating a handful of peanut M&M’s and use that 15 seconds to pray?

When our church used to share our space with a Greek Orthodox mission we learned that the Greek fast on Sunday mornings.  They want their first food to be the body and blood of Christ.  Recently I’ve picked this up.  Not so much that I’m trying to fast but eating breakfast on the weekends is out of my routine.  Monday thru Friday I’m sucking down a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios at 5:50 a.m.  Saturday and Sunday?  I’m out of that routine.  Still – if you want to call it a fast – have at it.  I don’t call it that because I’m not reflective in that.  Maybe I should be.  Maybe I should take the 10 minutes of food stuffage and be more cognizant of those in the world who are starving but then translate that into…?  To me, if you’re going to deny yourself something that you feel is possibly destructive or not that good for you (Dark Chocolate and Red Wine are healthy for you – by the way) then what are you taking on?  What is filling that gap?  What is bringing you closer to God or closer to a healthier and happier you?

Knowing that I don’t do denial well, in the past few Lents I’ve chosen to take on things.  One year I attempted to do nice things for my co-workers without them knowing.  One year I messaged three friends on Facebook per day telling them how awesome they are.  One year I posted random inspirational memes.  Look, I didn’t say they were the BEST ideas but it was important to me that whatever I did took actual thinking and time (things I don’t often do well).  I’ve even tried to the read the bible daily – imagine that!

Lastly, if I choose to deny myself something, I keep it to myself.  There’s an old joke:  “How do you know the person is a Vegan?  Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.”  If I choose to deny it should be a personal thing between me and God.  Not a “woe is me, I can’t drink beer!” moment to share on Social Media.

However you choose to approach Lent, go for it (unless you’ve chosen to NOT go for it, then don’t).

Lenten Blog - Day 7 – “Our Father who art in…”

Words have meaning.  Or why would I be writing this?  It might as well be a streaming line of gibberosicity and if you can wrap your brain around that word, even made up words have meaning.  But when I say the words “Father” or “Mother” those words not only have meaning, they also have weight to them.  It’s one thing to look up the clinical definition of the word “father” or “mother” but it’s quite another to actual BE them.

As you’ve already known through the first few Lenten blogs I’ve been focusing on God and Relationships and my constant struggle between the anthropomorphic (God with white beard in the clouds pulling switches and pushing buttons) and a more abstract almost unimaginable “other” that exists and that we all live into and around.  Kind of like George Lucas’s “The Force” (except when he decided to screw it all up by bringing in something called the “midiclorians” or some such crap like that in Episode One).

Now most people reading this can probably parse the two out no problem.  My mother to whom God helps find parking spots and still has time to watch over the world.  And some discard any concept of God, or existence thereof.  I can’t NOT think that there’s something beyond all this.  That there’s more to life and existence that skirts the unknown and skips down byways of rainbows and lollipops and puppies run free on pristine fields of grass.  And then trying to live into that.

Still, I struggle and part of that struggle is just the words we use in our church (and many churches out there).  Even atheists who probably have barely stepped foot inside a church know the “Lord’s Prayer.”  And many could probably recite it.  But even the Lord’s Prayer I find problematic in simply the first two words:  “Our Father…”

Because the word “Father” has so much weight to it.

Other than the first 9 months of my life, I’ve spent probably two entire months with my father (died in 2007).  Though I loved my father, we were estranged near the final couple years of his life.  He wanted me to leave the Episcopal Church due to their stance on gays and I told him no.  Things went downhill from there.  My mother left my father when I was an infant due to him having an affair and being verbally and mentally abusive.  Later in his life he had obviously become a hoarder and probably wasn’t altogether “there” any more.

My step-father and I got along okay, until he kicked me out of the house when I was 18.  Once I moved out and got married our relationship became more stabilized until a massive heart attack took him away in early 1988.

When it has come to “fathers” – for me – it has been a bit of a crap shoot.

Now, sure, we can take the word “Father” from the Lord’s Prayer and reinterpret the wording and go back to the ancient text and maybe in Greek it’s “Abba” which means something entirely different than the guy who, hopefully, tossed a ball with you and showed you how to use a power drill…but the word is there and, like I said, that word carries weight.

And as much as I struggle with it, I wonder how people who have been abused by their father deal with it.  Or were abandoned by their father.  Or watched their father do terrible things to their mother.

Seeing how I was brought up.  And understanding the relationship dynamic (as best I can) of Father to Child – I try my best to be the best father I can be.  To live into (and up to) a concept where the word “father” isn’t weighted down with absenteeism or abuse or confusion or nothing much at all.

There isn’t a lot in this life I take seriously, but being a father is one of those things for I want my children and my children’s friends to say to themselves:  Matt’s an okay father.

I can live with that and hopefully into that.

Lenten Blog - Day 6 - Images of God

In the silent film of “Ben Hur” the film makers didn’t know how to portray Christ.  So when Christ would show up they didn’t show his body.  What you got was an arm of “someone” preaching the Sermon on the Mount.  How you knew it was Christ was because his arm would glow white.

Later in the film, as Ben Hur witnesses Christ’s walk to Calvary, he gets close to Christ and you know this due to the fact that Ben is awash in glowing white light.  It more so appears that some crew member is bouncing the sunlight off a mirror and shining it on the actor’s face.  Still, this is the light of Christ and I’m fine with that, but couldn’t get over the fact that this is how the film makers chose to portray Christ.  I just image this glowing ghost like person walking around Jerusalem.  Maybe coming into a house at night and someone saying:  “Jesus, dude, can you tone down the brightness a bit, we’re trying to sleep.”

But this just proves that FOREVER we’ve struggled with the image of God.  Is he the “old guy in the clouds” as portrayed in Michelangelo's Sistine Chapel painting or is he something more abstract?

When I was attending Confirmation class the priest asked us to come up with our images of God.  If I remember right, I created a cloud and in the center of the cloud was the word God and coming out from that were words like love and peace and kindness or something.  I can’t remember what other people’s images were as I was a self absorbed teenager (not that I’m not self absorbed 51 year old).  As we all described our images of God, the Priest, if I remember right said:  “You’re all correct.”  So is it simply that our God is just an offshoot of what we’ve grown to learn through years and years of up- bringing and experience?

So maybe my mother’s image of God as a Powerful all helpful being can still spare a few minutes to find us a parking space.

But then what happens when my image of God clashes with those who have no image, or image is one of anger, frustration and retribution?  More of an “Old Testament” God?

If the differing images of a handful of teenagers going through puberty and adolescence can be deemed as “correct” by the priest could not the images of a fire-and-brimstone-all-gays-should-be-put-to-death-and-women-should-know-their-place God of a fundamentalist preacher also be correct?

And what of the glowing Jesus?  We know through history that Jesus was a Jew from the Middle East which means he was dark skinned with black hair.  Not the Max Von Sydow, Willem Defoe, lilly-white baby Jesus we see so much portrayed in Christmas cards and Renaissance paintings and sculptures.

For me, I attempt to look at all the books of the bible in the context of what was going on at the time and who they were being written for.  But then my image of God is shaped by the works and teachings of Jesus and his focus and passion and ultimate sacrifice.

I hazard to guess my image of God hasn’t changed all that much since I was 14 or 15 years of age.  I still believe that God is “other” and focused on love and peace and reconciliation and forgiveness.  For some reason that “fits” with me.  For some of  you reading this, it might be that you think I’m “confused.”  Or that my image is faulty or incorrect or silly. 

***shrug***

I’m okay with that.

Lenten Blog - Day 5 - Relationships - Part 2

It was a small metal clasp.  No bigger than an inch in size.  It was a clasp that wasn’t much of a clasp, think small aluminum rectangle.  What it was used for was to hold together tightly a pair of tongs.  To “open” the tongs, you’d slide the clasp down to the end, to close the tongs so they’re not in “sprung” position, you move the clasp up.  Now, to keep the clasp in place, it was small enough and tight enough to not go beyond the larger end of the tongs.

Note the little claspy thing around the base of the tongs.

That thing.

Well...that was the idea.  Over the years, and through usage, maybe the clasp gets to be a little too big.  Or maybe the end gets a little too small?  Whatever the case may be, the clasp fell off at camp and into the dirt and now the tongs were in perpetual “sprung” position.  Difficult for us to store in our utensil holder and now, pretty much, worthless.  Oh, sure, they could still be used and we could wrap them in a rubber band but that took time, energy and a rubber band.  Losing that little clasp into the dirt was frustrating, to say the least.  And lead to conversations:  “Have you seen the clasp?  Did it fall off on the table?  What did you do with the tongs?  Where’d that clasp go?  Etc.”

My mother, over hearing this conversation, did what she normally does in this situation:  She prayed for it.  She prayed for God to, somehow, make that clasp appear so our beloved aluminum tongs that have been in the family for years would work properly again.

I struggle, as I’ve talked before, about the anthropomorphic image of God and the God that I believe in isn’t one who is going to stop what he’s doing and suddenly make a small aluminum clasp appear.  Or, another one of mom’s favorites prayers, a parking spot.  I’ve remembered many times over the years when we’d drive downtown how my mom would pray for a parking place to appear.  If you somehow believe that God is all powerful and all knowing and surrounding us and binding us and cradling us in his grasp and making our pathways straight and knows our past, present and future - are you sure he’s that concerned with making sure that we find a decent parking spot?  Or a metal clasp?  Aren’t Syrian refugees or terrorists acts or dying children a little more important than making sure we find a two hour parking spot as opposed to a “load and unload only during the hours of 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.” parking spot?  Obviously, to my mother, and her relationship with God those are not mutually exclusive.  God can both watch over the poor and hungry and downtrodden and suffering while also sparing a few moments to encourage someone to leave the store a couple minutes early so we’d find a prime parking spot when we’d turn the corner.

What kind of relationship is that?  And as much as this is standard operating procedure for my mother, it doesn’t fit into my mind set.  But is praying to watch over my family members, or praying to lessen the suffering of one who is sick, or praying for outright healing any  more crazy than praying for an aluminum clasp so our tongs can close?

Do you believe in a God that can heal but not be a parking lot assistant?  Do you believe in a God that is all knowing and all powerful and actively involved in all aspects of the world, but small enough to care that you don’t waste too much gas looking for a parking spot?  Can those be mutually exclusive?  Can they be one-in-the-same?

Does it come back down to your image of God?

By the way, we never found the aluminum clasp.  Maybe God had something better to do?

Lenten Blog - Day 4 - Relationships - Part 1

 

It all comes down to relationships.

Often times I hear that Lent is a season to strengthen your relationship with God. But how do you have a relationship with the “other?”

I’ve had many relationships over the years. Some good, some bad. Some started out swell and then, over times, dissipated into nothing (only to resurface later on Facebook). Others were doomed from the start. Others are still stronger than ever even though we don’t see or hear from each other - the bond was there at the beginning and it’s STILL there - even if we’ve not seen each other face-to-face in years.

When I started in Law in 1983, pretty much every law firm I worked at used Iron Mountain for our off-site storage. Shipping stuff off-site, getting stuff delivered. It was a simple process of calling Barbara or Dhebi or Jackie and then Alexi or Aaron would bring our boxes. They knew who we were. They knew where we wanted the boxes delivered. We chatted about families and futures and lives and loves and I became good friends with one of them (one of those relationships that has faded into the past).

Over the years we truly got to know each other. Then, when I was working at Heller Ehrman, Iron Mountain changed their processes. No longer were we to call just across to Bellevue to get our boxes. We were now to call a 1-800 number. It would be more efficient, they would say. The customer service would be better, they would say. It’s best for the the customer, they would say. But what turned from a casual: “Hey Annie, how’s it going? Is your daughter still at Western?” Turned into: “Iron Mountain, may I help you?” Some call center somewhere near Mars. Robotic people that didn’t know about our lives. Robotic people that wouldn’t slide our box to the front of the van. Robotic people that didn’t know where we wanted our boxes delivered or had no idea who we were. Now we were just a “customer” and they were our “vendor.” What was once a conversational phone call had turned into a business transaction.

I didn’t care anymore. Why should I? Efficiency had turned into complacency. How was I supposed to have a relationship with call center person number 8 who had to speak a standard script every time I called? Sure, I could make the effort but when I would call the next time I’d get call center person number 42 or call center person number 12 or... Not Barbara. Not Annie. Not Dhebi.

How do we create that relationship, one-on-one, down-and-dirty, I’ve-got-your-back-you’ve-got-mine with an All Knowing, ALL POWERFUL, God?

Lenten Blog – Day 3, Jesus and the “Temptation”

Luke 4:1-13 English Standard Version (ESV)

The Temptation of Jesus

1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. ² After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. ³ The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”  ⁴ Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” ⁵ Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. ⁶ “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written: “‘He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands,  so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’” ⁷ Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’” ⁸ Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. ⁹ “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” ¹⁰ Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’” ¹¹ Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

The Forty days of Lent are based on this “Temptation” and Jesus’s retreat to the wilderness and his encounter with the Devil.

I struggle with this passage on a couple fronts – front one is the “woo-woo” aspect of it where the Devil shows up with a LITERAL Power Point presentation to Jesus. Front two is the Devil himself as I struggle with the whole anthropomorphic Devil (snake, forked tail, pitch fork, that creepy kid from “The Omen”) just like I struggle with the whole anthropomorphic God (Old Guy in Clouds, Santa for Grown-Ups, The Ultimate Switch Puller, Morgan Freeman for you youth, George Burns for us old fogies).

Part of the problem with this temptation is that we’re observing Jesus instead of relating to Jesus. If we take the story on face value, Jesus has just had this baptismal moment of the dove descending on him and God talking and he’s run off to be by himself and the Devil shows up and says: “Yo, dude, CHECK IT OUT! With your skill set and my brains, we could rule this place.”

How many times in our lives has the devil shown up and talked to you? How many times has the devil knocked on your door with the best kick-ass encyclopedia set ever and said: “THIS COULD ALL BE YOURS!” If you’re like me, that hasn’t happened. Oh, sure, I’ve been tempted to do wrong, I think we all have, but it hasn’t manifested itself with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. At least it hasn’t for me, and I can’t speak for you.

The other thing I love about this scripture is that it sounds like the Devil is literally dragging Jesus to the next location: “And the devil took him up and showed him all the kingdoms of the world” and “And he took him to Jerusalem and set him on the pinnacle of the temple” – I just imagine Jesus like a petulant child following the Devil who’s like: “C’mon, climb up on the pinnacle!” “I don’t wanna…” “I want to show you this view! It’s great.” “Fine.” I mean, really, if the Devil were taking you around for a tour would you really put yourself on the pinnacle of a temple?

Taking this all at face value, I again view it from a distance with all the devil, pinnacle, and power-point things just kind of cluttering my understanding of it.

I’m sure a priest, certainly couldn’t have been my own feeble brain, had an explanation though: Jesus is at a crossroads in his life. He has basically had a “come to himself” moment and needs to decide: “Am I going to follow this path which leads to evil, death and possible resurrection?” (I don’t know if Jesus was truly buying into the fact that he’d be brought back three days later – I mean, he asks his dad to take the cup away when it was all about to go down…) Or was he going to just go back and make some bookshelves and possibly a nice buffet? Was he going to live a life that he wanted? Or was he going to chuck all that and step out into the unknown?

Having had a “bill paying job” for 30+ years, I know what it’s like to just sort of accept my lot in life and not take any unnecessary risks – even if my job doesn’t feed my soul. The outcome of not taking risks has spawned two amazing children and a loving relationship and a beautiful house. If we are ever at crossroads in life – as we are many times do we choose the “easy way” or the “hard way?” Do we take the road less traveled? Do we trot out any more clichés that will fit on Internet Memes?

My brother once wanted to play professional soccer and had invitations in hand to try out. My father was about to try out for the Rochester Redwings but walked away to his ministry. My son was told by someone he respected that if he “went to Hollywood he’d make it for sure” but he’s gotten married to a wonderful gal. I dreamed of winning the Academy Award and writing the best scripts ever.

If you take out the Devil and Temptations and smorgasbord of power and control being offered up and just simply look at it as Jesus making a truly hard decision about where he sees himself and what he feels he has to do – I think we can all relate.

Or, at least, I can relate.

Lenten Blog – Day 2, Jesus and the “woo-woo” moments

Straight up. I have problems with Jesus’s miracles. Water = wine, demons being cast out, walking on water, Lazarus being raised from the dead, loaves and fishes multiplying like tribbles. It’s difficult for me to wrap my head around them.

Why? Well, blame the disciples. The silly bunch they are.

Just recently we read in church the story of the transfiguration of Jesus on the mountain where he’s hanging with Peter, James and John and suddenly Moses and Elijah appear and Peter and James and John are like: “Hey, let’s build you guys a shelter and let’s hang out.” And then God speaks from the cloud (or Heaven) and says: Here’s the guy I want you to pay attention to: And Jesus is there. I wondered what Jesus and Moses and Elijah talked about before Peter, et al, jumped into the fray. Probably a good kosher recipe for bean dip.

The reason I blame the disciples is they’re with Jesus through his journey. They witness the miracles. They’re probably walking back to the boat saying: “Man! Did you see the fish and loaves? I mean, WHA-HAPPENED! First we’ve got this kid’s lunch and then next thing it’s a feast! Jesus, wow, you totally nailed that miracle!”

Or walking on water. “Uh, Matthew – did you just see Jesus walking on water? Uh, yeah, I did. Pretty cool, eh? And remember when the boat was in the storm and he just waved his hand and it got all calm and stuff? That was pretty cool. If my crops are hurting, think I could ask him to rustle up some rain?”

Okay, back to the journey. They’re walking with Jesus and witnessing all these things and then, when push comes to shove and shove comes to Jesus being arrested and nailed to a cross it’s like all these miracles, all these amazing feats of wonder that they WITNESSED FIRST HAND suddenly go “poof.” Peter denies him three times. THREE TIMES! Dude, weren’t you there when God said: “Listen to this one?”

A few decades ago a guy by the name of “Amazing Randi” wanted to prove how gullible people were. A magician/illusionist by trade, he taught a young man a handful of tricks and they toured Australia doing these amazing feats and calling the young man a prophet or a Holy Man. After their tour they announced to everyone that the man was a fake and that he was just doing simple magic tricks. Even after they pulled the curtain back and revealed what they were doing there were people who came up to the young man and said: “We still believe you’re a prophet.” If these people who witnessed these simple tricks could somehow still believe in this young man – I struggle to wonder how the apostles so quickly turned their back on Jesus, especially after raising Lazarus from the dead.

I ask, is fear of evil and death more powerful than your relationship to a friend who worked some really really cool miracles right in front of you? I mean water-to-wine, amiright?!  Jesus would be great at a party.

Do I discount the miracles outright because of their “woo-woo” effect on me and my questioning of the disciples actions? No. But with everything that Jesus did I try to look at in the context of the world he was in and the people writing the books. It’s not like I completely discount loaves and fishes and healings and blind-men with seeing eye mud packs but I also wonder if there is something more going on under the surface. Something I’m not “getting.”

Maybe this Lenten journey I'm attempting will help me.