10 Films That Had An Impact On Me

It was one of those innocuous messages on Facebook challenging me to something.  Typically I ignore these, but since Film is my THING, I decided to participate.

It came from a challenge by my friend Andrew Villone who used to be a co-worker of mine until he spirited his Russian bride to Slovenia and became a tour guide operator.

He was featured on “House Hunters International.”  Season 73, episode 6 to be exact:

https://www.hgtv.com/shows/house-hunters-international/episodes/not-too-fast-not-too-slovenia

Here was his challenge:

I was challenged by Andrew Villone to post just an image - no posters, no title, - from 10 movies that had an impact on me.

Each day I will nominate new people to take the challenge and the nominee can take challenge if he or she wishes so. No pressure. :-) 10 days, 10 movie images, 10 nominations.

I shall nominate "Parasite" for Best Picture.

I dove in as I typically do and tossed the nomination to my son Nick right off the bat and I posted a photo of one of my favorite and often forgotten about films:

“Nickelodeon”

No.  Not the kid network.

“Nickelodeon” had an impact on me as it was a film tribute of how movies were made back in the 1910s.  The fighting between Thomas Edison and his Patents Group who thought, mostly correctly, that people were stealing their technology (as basic as it was back then) to make films.

Burt Reynolds plays a man hired by the Patents Group to scuttle a film that is currently being made by Ryan O’Neal and a handful of actors.  When he doesn’t succeed, he’s pulled into the group as a leading man.  After the film has a modicum of success, the group gets hired by a regular film company and then broken into pieces to make quick and dirty films for money.

Peter Bogdanovich’s film painstakingly recreates the time when these films were made and how.  Certainly there are some liberties here and there but with Bogdanovich always being a student of film – I suspect that he wanted to go with quite a bit of realism to go along with the comedy.

The first film down, I wondered about my next movie and I looked no further than “Ikiru.”

Part of the fun of these challenges is to find those films that other people might not know about and might want to search out.

I watched “Ikiru” as part of a challenge a friend and I did to watch all the movies in a Janus collection.  It was a great find and something that was truly amazing.  Directed by Akira Kurosawa, this was known as his “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

The story is about a longtime government worker who wants to have a park built in his neighborhood but keeps running into red tape after red tape after red tape.  As depressing as that might sound it’s actually pretty hopeful and sweet.

Moving on to my 3^rd film – this movie scared the crap out of me when I was a child – and this scene in particular.

The movie was “War of the Worlds” and a movie I must have watched on TV as it came out in 1953.  I’m sure I’ve seen it in a theatre since then, but when the alien creature puts its hand on the woman’s shoulder?  I about pissed my pants.

Great film, great in color, and great to scare any kid about an alien invasion from Mars.

Now onto film number 4, I would call this my first REAL Western and a movie that came out in 1971 (when I was 7).  It was my older brother’s favorite and it soon became mine and for a film rated “G” it had a bunch of stuff that a young boy would like:  Hangings, chopped off fingers, rattle snake bites, “General Sterling Price,” and John Wayne yelling:  “FILL YOUR HANDS YOU SONOFABITCH!”

It’s also a film with some great casting that included Glen Campbell, John Wayne, Kim Darby, Dennis Hopper and Robert Duvall.

Now it was day 4 and I decided to pump the brakes a bit.  It wasn’t that I couldn’t come up with more films, that was the easy part it was that I wanted to come up with films that had a DEEPER impact on me.

A deep cut, if you will.

I could certainly trot out “Star Wars,” “Once Upon a Time in America,” “The Big Fix” and probably a dozen others - but I had talked about those in previous challenges such as these and many who knew me already know I’m a fan of those films and how they changed me/influenced me…

…but I had to switch this up, and I did.

The challenge said 10 films.  Not 10 FEATURE length films.  Or 10 OSCAR WINNING films.  Nope.  10 films that had an impact.  Here are the other six and how they had an impact on me.

The fifth film was a movie called “The Doughnuts.”

I saw this movie in elementary school.  Every so often the teacher would take us into the library which had a separate room for showing movies on 16mm film stock.

With a bunch of kids, the films couldn’t be too long or too boring and this one fit the bill.

Based on a Homer Price story by Robert McClosky, “The Doughnuts” was about a young kid working at a donut shop.  Simple enough.

There’s a new donut machine that automatically makes donuts and when the machine goes haywire, it starts making TOO MANY donuts!

What to do, what to do?

Well, you gotta sell those donuts and soon they’re selling like hotcakes (or donut cakes).

When a wealthy woman comes in to buy some her diamond bracelet falls off into the batter and now one of these thousand donuts has her bracelet cooked inside it.

From the book:

From the movie:

This was a fun and silly movie but one that certainly had an impact on me.

Staying in elementary school, we also watched my sixth movie:  “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge.”

This film, as I remember, was shown in a portable just off the playground at my elementary school.  I even want to think it was summer – or getting near there.  We probably saw it on an early video-tape – some giant monstrosity and why I remember all this silly detail, I do not know.

It’s actually a short French film that was incorporated into a Twilight Zone episode.

The story, originally written by Ambrose Bierce, is about a soldier about to be hung off a bridge.  Why?  I don’t remember if we actually know.

When he is released, the rope snaps and he escapes in the water as bullets zoom past him.

He continues his escape finally returning to his home and the warm embrace of his wife…only for the rope to catch and he’s dead.  This entire “fantasy” in his brain from the moment he is released to the moment the rope catches and he’s dead.

This was an AMAZING piece of story-telling in 23 minutes and my 10/11 year-old brain was completely enraptured by it and stunned by the twist at the end.

How, in fleeting moments, you don’t know who this is but you’re rooting for his escape and you’re cheering for his love and happiness and then BOOM! it’s all a dream.  Powerful, powerful stuff and something that has stuck with me obviously forever.

The last of the Elementary school films, I bring you to “The Red Balloon.”  Number 7.

Out of all my films in this 10 film collective – this is probably the second most recognized.

Another French film, it tells a short story about a young boy who gets a red balloon that has a mind of its own.

As much as the child wants the balloon, the balloon wants him.  Even though it’s been DECADES since I’ve seen this short French film Oscar winning (best story/screenplay) film – I remember bits and pieces as if I had just seen it yesterday.

The balloon follows the boy to various activities, including church, shopping and home.  And as people try to send the balloon away, it keeps coming back to the boy.

When the balloon gets popped by some bullies near the end of the film, I remember sobbing my eyes out.  Probably one of the first films that elicited that response from me and those tears are earned.

Switching this up, we get to the next film – number 8.

This is a bit of a cheat as I can’t remember what film this is…

“Bride of Dracula?”

But this Hammer film production isn’t why this film had an impact on me…

In my Jr. High School, since torn down, the cafeteria was split into two.  One large area for tables and eating and another large area with more of an auditorium feel.  In between the two rooms was a large accordion door.  If a teacher wanted to do a large presentation, or if the principal needed to make an announcement on a larger scale – this auditorium like room was used.

Also – if they wanted to show a film to LOTS of students, this auditorium side was used.

At SOME point the school decided to show movies during lunch hour.  With a 50 minute lunch “hour” the thought was you could show half one day and half the next day and, lucky me, I was the projectionist.

As a film maker and film fan there’s really nothing more satisfying than to walk into a classroom to see the 16mm projector set up and there’s also nothing more satisfying than actually being the one to SET UP the projector, stick the reel onto the spindle, feed it through the slot, connect it to the other reel and start watching as it feeds through and around and over and under and you see “5” “4” “3” a couple dozen more frames and the picture start.  A film made up of thousands and thousands of little pictures with slots on one side and a sound strip on the other.  AND I MADE THAT HAPPEN!

When you do this, when you help set this in motion, when you can relax and watch until the reel runs out and you’ve got to rewind the film there’s a sense of satisfaction of a job well done.  I just helped present something to my fellow classmates.  And hopefully they enjoyed it.

I only remember two films they showed.  This Hammer Dracula film and “The Cross and the Switchblade.”

Staying in Jr. High, I recall what I think might have been the first real documentary I had seen – other then things on the Civil War or something (which my brother was a big fan).

This film was entitled “Dead Birds” and, if I was lucky enough, I got to run the projector.

The story, as vague as I can remember, was about a tribe in the jungles of someplace who eventually go to war with a tribe from some other place.

Here are the things I distinctly remember that had an impact on me.

1.  The men all had long wooden tubes attached to their penises.  I have no idea why and what-for.  But men being men, it’s all about size and you can see them above as they run across a field.  (And when you’re 12-13, this can elicit a giggle or two.)

2.  During one of their battles, one of the young men gets hit with an arrow or spear or something and the tribe had to repair his wound and that was quite ghastly.

And, lastly:

3.  In the preparation for a dinner they stick a piglet in the side, and it runs around the camp slowly bleeding out until it was dead.  Good times.

Extended penis sticks?  Check.  War wounds?  Check.  Bleeding out piglets?  Check.  This film had an impact on me.

The final “movie” that had an impact on me, I probably saw BEFORE I was in elementary school.  And that was the classic Warner Brothers Animated film: “Duck Amuck.”

Still, to this day, it is my favorite cartoon.

Instead of telling a traditional story, the cartoon goes out of whack as an unknown animator keeps screwing with Daffy Duck.

The artistry, the humor, the ability to redraw scenes and the absolute absurdity all held in a 7 minute cartoon is what makes this a classic.

It showed me the fun of what animation can truly be and the lengths it can go to push the limits.  Certainly films like “Fantasia” did the same thing but this was Chuck Jones brilliantness in short film form.

There!  10 films that had an impact on me.

My Wife is Not My Best Friend

MY WIFE IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND

(Author’s Note:  This is my opinion.  You may feel your spouse is your bestest friend in all the world and that’s great.  This is not to slight your relationship in any way, this is just my opinion.  Thanks.)

I’ve only ever traveled first class once.  A friend of mine who worked for Alaska Airlines got us upgraded to First Class on a flight to L.A.  Though it’s a relatively short 2.5 hour flight, I wanted to take full advantage of being in First Class – including champagne and extra leg room.  Who knows when, if ever, I will fly first class again.

Just like this, just remove the TV and add champagne.

The other day I took our car to a car wash and you had three options:  Bronze, Silver and Gold.  The higher you went up (ie: the more money you paid) the better and more thorough service you would get.  Even though I paid for “silver” (good) when I gave the worker a two dollar tip – he told me that I would get the “gold” (best) treatment.  Sure as heck I want the added foam wax and the sealer wax.

Honestly, you can't have too much wax.

Before I get too far into the weeds here, I think what bothers me when I see advertising or read anniversary cards that refer to someone’s spouse as their “best friend” that I think I need to define, to me, what or who a best friend is.

Who am I to speak?  Well, I’ve had – and continue to have, many friends and best friends during my life.  In elementary school, my best friend was a boy by the name of Barry.  We used to go to his house during lunch and watch “Get Smart.”  In Jr. High I went through an annoying phase where I had very few friends, all by my doing.  In High School I had Nathan and then Nathan had other friends and we didn’t talk much and then I met Jason.  Also during that time I had my first female best friend - Kathy.  Out of high school it was Carolyn (along with Jason).  Then Jason fell out of the picture for a few years…until he came back.  I’ve continued to have really close friends like Jim, Steve, Earl, Jen, Gina, Keith, Kim, Cecille, Lynsey, Christine, Stephen, Richard, Taso, Kelley and others.  I’ve lost some friends along the way (Susan, Kristin, Loring), too.  I am truly blessed and I never want to take them for granted.

In 2016 I think there are a number of friend levels.  Just think of them as car wash levels, just with less wax:

Facebook “Friend” – Someone you know on Facebook who is friends with a friend of a friend and might share some the same interests and political viewpoints.  You may not know them, you may have never met them but they’re friends with so-and-so and they posted that cool cat meme and thus…you’re friends.

Time spent together – hard to determine.

So many "friends."

Casual Friend – Typically this is a friend of a friend who spends time at your house.  This can include your friend’s current girlfriend or boyfriend who comes to hang out.  Maybe it’s a friend of your son or daughter who came over because you were having a barbecue. 

Time spent together – a couple hours every so often while you watch a sporting event together or said barbecue.

I like the sport thing you like or something...

Co-worker Friend – This is a person you see on a nearly daily basis.  You talk about family, life, “what you up to this weekend?”  You find out about their kids, their sickly mother, their trip to Kansas City, Missouri.  Very rarely do you spend any time outside of the office together and the moment they leave or you leave they will, most likely, become relegated to Facebook Friend…if that. 

Time spent together – 40 hours a week plus overtime.

Hey!  Let's be really close and enjoy each other's company until one of us gets fired.

  Wow, check out this article about how diverse our workplace is.

Neighbor Friend – Depending on the relationship, this could bump up to “REALLY Close Friend” but mostly this friendship is spent talking about the concerns of the neighborhood, chatting over barbecue, having a common purpose of making sure that so-and-so doesn’t cut down that one tree and what’s with the downtown renovation? 

Time spent together – not much, but it’s quality time when it happens.  Most often this is represented by casual waves and meet-ups at the mailbox.

"I baked these with my sweat..."

Close Friend – Much like the Co-worker Friend, a close friend is someone you spend time with, but outside the office.  Someone you’ve broken bread with and had a glass of wine with.  Still, they’re kept at arm’s length.  Maybe there’s a trust issue.  Maybe you just haven’t gotten to know them yet.  Maybe it’s the fact that they love white chocolate and that’s just…gross. 

Time spent together – undeterminable but when it happens, it’s fun and “we should do this more often.”  And possibly Karaoke is involved.

"Where are the presents you bastard?"

REALLY Close Friend – On the fringes of Best Friend, these are friends you seek out to be with.  Many meals have been shared.  Many tears have been shed.  Deep conversations about life and love and hurt and loss.  These friends are deeply influential in your life.  Maybe you have some shared interests that bring you together.  Still, they never raise to status of “Best” friend maybe it’s because you just never spend enough time together or you don’t have a fully shared history. 

Time spent together – unspecific but when you’re together you have a great time and often seek time together.

"That's right, two beautiful women and shorts with lots of pockets!  Thumbs up!"

Best Friend – How to define a Best Friend?  They are an extension of yourself in a way.  A chemistry that is unparalleled.  They sometimes know you better than you know yourself.  You have some similar interests (like crappy movies) that your spouse doesn’t care for.  You have a deep history together.  Maybe you haven’t talked for years, but you can pick up where you left off.  You’re nowhere near the person you would be today without them in your life.  You can’t imagine them out of your life and you remember fondly the times they’ve been in your life.  You take their advice, you give them advice.  You’ve knocked on their door at 1 a.m.  You’ve called them in a panic at 3 a.m.  You’ve opened your heart to them. 

Time spent together – undetermined but when the time is spent, it’s wonderful and insightful and sometimes silly.

There's even jewelry.

Spouse – all of the above, but with sex included.  Well, that and mortgage payments, debt, the raising of children, sickness, health, worrying about the future, optimistic about the future, camping trips, pets, pet deaths, family influences and impact, worrying about the kids, Christmas mornings and New Year’s eve,  bill paying, home improvements, retirement conversations, 401Ks, tax returns, car tabs, TV show juggling, grocery shopping, arguments/disagreements, boxed wine, meal planning, trips to the coast, birthday party planning, Hallmark cards, issues regarding dishwasher loading, extended naps, flatulence, snoring, cuddling, casual nudity and did I mention sex? 

Time spent together – basically 24/7 for years and years, if you’re lucky.

Now, again, I don’t want to rain on your “my spouse is my best friend” parade but getting married and all the things that that entails goes far beyond being a best friend.  I almost find it insulting to refer to my wife as a best friend.  She’s NOT.  She’s far more than that.  Calling her a best friend is to lessen what it means to be my wife.  I love my friends and best friends with all my heart.  I would die for them and they’ve had an impact on me and who I am that can’t be measured.  My heart would break without them.  But they are not my spouse and they, most likely, wouldn’t want to be.  They are who they are and my wife is who she is.  And, after nearly 30 years, she is not my best friend:

She is first class.

She is gold level.

She is the love of my life.

She is my wife.

Looking for Dirty Words

The story goes that a library opened up in a small town and an old lady showed up to check out the books.

She wandered over to the dictionaries and started looking through them.  At one point, she picked up a large dictionary and lugged it to the head librarian and said, rather sternly:  “Sir, there are dirty words in this book!”

He looked at her and said:  “Ma’am, you were looking for them.”

 A couple weeks ago some young millennial gal, videotaping from her car, went on a rant against millennials out there who don’t “hold open doors for our elders” and blah blah blah.  It was one of those heart felt “come to Jesus” moments where she was taking her fellow millennials to task for not stepping up and doing more.  It has been viewed a few million times and, at first blush, you might find yourself agreeing with her:  “Wow!  She’s pretty spot on!  Good for her to try and rally people to change.”  But it’s one of those things, or moments, that the more you put thought into it – you realize she’s looking for dirty words.

After thinking about it for a moment, I turned my attention to the dozen or so millennials I know – including my son and his wife, my daughter and her boyfriend and their myriad of friends.  None of them are at all like the millennials described by this gal.  The millennials I know are hardworking, struggling to make ends meet, trying to make a better world, living and dreaming and laughing and each one would open the door for my 83 year old mother.

A couple days ago, I saw a meme (below) blasting this new “generation” of people and, once again, I saw someone looking for dirty words.  Easier to post a meme that blasts what you think you see than actually go out and look, right?

Where are these selfish disrespectful brats of what you speak?

Here’s the deal.  You want to find free-loading mooching welfare queens?  You can find them.  If you want to find struggling families, trying to make ends meet, and needing some assistance to get through to the next meager paycheck – you can find them, too.

You want to find Muslims bent on destroying America, ready to go Jihad on all our asses?  Sure.  Just turn on Fox News.  You want to find many MORE Muslims who love this country and our freedoms and just want to live and breathe and worship as they please?  You can find them.

Scary Muslims

Muslim died serving our country.

Refugees, immigrants, documented workers, undocumented workers, liberals, conservatives, gay, straight, the list goes on and on and on.

You want to post a story about out-of-control black youth on a rampage?  You can find it.  You want to post a story about black youth helping in their communities, you can find that, too.  What is it, in reality, are you looking for?

Are you looking for this?

Or this?

You want to post a story about out-of-control cops profiling black people and finding systemic racism?  You can find it.  You want to post a story about cops working with inner-city youth and helping out their communities?  You can find it.

Are you just looking for that dirty word that eases your conscience?  Or confirms what you think you already believe?  Just because you see some slacker smoking dope by the 7-11 dumpster, does that inform everyone that age?  Certainly not.  But, hey, it’s a microcosm of a greater truth?  Right?

A?

or B?

And our generation never did anything like that.  We didn’t have slackers.  We weren’t slackers.  We always held doors open.  Sure.

Just yesterday I saw a posting on Facebook from a conservative relative blasting liberals for attempting to take down a statue of a confederate soldier.  The article basically states that liberals are trying to wipe away history.  I quickly wanted to find the on-line articles about how some conservative school districts are trying to literally re-write history books to make slavery “not so bad” and, possibly to wipe out the history of slavery in this country altogether.  See – if they can find dirty words, so can I!  If they can pick and choose their story to push a certain narrative, then so can I!

Their post:

http://www.uschronicle.com/liberals-successfully-remove-historic-statue-reminds-history/

My possible post:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/06/us/publisher-promises-revisions-after-textbook-refers-to-african-slaves-as-workers.html?_r=0

But to what point?

Is it to actually provide information that might inform someone’s thinking?  Or is it to just say, basically:  “Nu-uh.”  I see your argument and raise you my rebuttal!  I’m more correct than you!

If I look at myself honestly, I want to voice my opinion or my point or my statement to basically say:  I’m right and you’re wrong.  I’m better and you’re lesser.  I’m a winner and you’re a loser.

Take the time.  Do the research.  Read different viewpoints.  Don’t take holier-than-thou speeches by 20-somethings or rants by 50-somethings as the gospel truth.  Sit down with the gay, transgender, Muslim, conservative, liberal, homeless, drug addict, divorced single mother, veteran, politician, teenager, etc. if you really want to inform your life and what you believe.  Maybe those dirty words won't seem so dirty any more.

Bottom line, if you or I look for those dirty words, we’ll find them.  But for each dirty word we find, there are 10,000x other words that we’re missing and maybe those words are more important than the select few.

Lots and lots of words.

April 22nd, April 23rd, April 24th

I put no stock in Horoscopes.  I don’t think the stars align to tempt or seal our fate.  Fung Shui is not my “thing.”  Tossing salt, reading tea leaves, jumping over cracks – lest I step on one and break my mother’s back.  Foolish, I know.

Look, it's all Taurusy - you know, the whole "Bull" thing.

If I have one, or two, idiosyncrasies it’s that my favorite numbers are 4 and 8 and when I drive through tunnels, I hold my breath.  4 and 8 came from the original “Game of Life” and holding my breath in tunnels came from childhood trips around the country.

That colorful strip with numbers there to the right? 

 Yeah, that's how 4 & 8 became my lucky numbers

To recap, I take no stock in weirdness.  I place no value on things that tickle fancies with words like luck or fate or kismet.

What is…is.  Except…

Born April 23^rd, 1964 (year of the Dragon), I first met her at church.  She caught my eye and I fell head over heels.  Something about her playfulness mixed with confidence.  She was beautiful (still IS beautiful) and had dimples in her cheek as if God himself put them there using a specific dimple tool.

Of course I was smitten.  Many a guy were.  Still I thought I had a chance.  I was the caring, loving, listening guy and she was with a loser (they always seemed to be with a loser).  Of course he was rugged and cool and just a slight dangerous.  I was sweet and nice and just a slight boring.  It was inevitable, I would fall into one of three categories:  boyfriend (highly unlikely – see dangerous boyfriend already in place), non-existent (highly unlikely – as she went to my church and I was smitten), or, finally… friend (likely).

As her caring and loving friend, I would listen to her talk about how much of a loser he was and how badly he would treat her and I would give her advice and let her cry on my shoulder and, at some point, dangerous loser guy would exit the scene and I would be there with open arms and she’d finally, FINALLY, realize that boring normal sweet and nice are actually better than exciting thuggish douche-bag and dickish.  Yes, I was in the dreaded Friend Zone.

Eventually her relationship with said thug/dick/douche ended and she turned towards someone else – not me.  Why?  Because we were “too good of friends” and she “didn’t want to ruin the friendship.”  I had plenty of friendships, I could spare one.  Or, at the very least, take the risk.  Certainly I also knew that even if whatever relationship I hoped to have didn’t work out, that I wouldn’t cast her aside like thug/douche/dick.  I’d find a way to work through my feelings and we’d rekindle that amazing friendship just now with a bit of history behind it.  History that hopefully included a lot of kissing and hugging and stuff.

Yeah, uh, none of this.  Not gonna happen.

Alas…no.  Into the Army she went.  When she came back she had grown up (years and military do that to a person) and she fell in love with a guy that wasn’t a thug/douche/dick and got married and is still married.  And happy.  What friend doesn’t want another friend to be happy?  Even one you’re head-over-heels over?

She was truly, my first real platonic friend.  I had a few others in there, certainly, but not like her.    

We don’t talk much anymore.  Time and distance do that.  But I see her updates on Facebook and she seems to be doing good.  Good.

She was born April 24^th, 1964 (year of the Dragon).  She fancied herself an actress or…something.  Maybe she just liked one of the guys in the group.  The guy in said group actually knew April 23^rd and I can’t remember if they dated or not but, still, there was some weird cross-pollinating going on with April 23^rd and April 24^th.  It’s not a large area we lived in and they went to rival schools and wouldn’t you know there was a guy involved…but I digress.

April 24 was different than April 23.  Where I was attracted to April 23’s confidence and free spiritness, what attracted me to April 24 was her quietness and lack of confidence.  Of course she was (and is) beautiful and her beauty stung me like 1000 wasps but her inability to either see or own that beauty stung me like 10000 wasps.  How could someone so stunning in so many ways not recognize it?

Side note:  Before you cast this blog off as the ramblings of a shallow human being only interested in looks and nothing else, I can reassure you that the women I’m talking about in this blog are also amazingly talented, super intelligent, giving, caring and loving - sometimes to a fault.

As I became friends with April 24, I made the point of always telling her how amazing she was.  How beautiful she was.  How important she was.  I set my sights on making her feel as wonderful and powerful and stunning as she truly was.  She fought me, tooth-and-nail, but slowly and over a year’s time it started to sink in.  She started to own that she had value and worth and humor and beauty.

Yeah, "Libra" nowhere to be found.

Side note two:  Both April 23 and April 24 had been adopted.  April 23 never talked about getting to know her birth parents, April 24 always wanted to find her birth mother (which she eventually did).  Maybe that had something to do with the self-esteem issues?  Certainly, but I wasn’t about to let April 24 use that as an excuse.

I stayed in April 24^th’s life as much as I could and fought falling in love with her but, eventually, the weight of who she was and what she was becoming became too great and I succumbed to wanting to be with her, too.  But, of course, by this time “I love you as a friend” was said far too many times and I was pinned with the song “Owner of a Lonely Heart” by the band YES by my friends as my theme song.  Any sort of next-level relationship would not come to pass and she fell in love, got married, had three kids, moved to Missouri and has carved out a life only few ever get to have.

Missouri?  Misery?  It's all on how you pronounce it.

I sure miss her hugs, though.

She was born April 22^nd, 1967 (year of the Goat).  I didn’t meet her until I was long married so there was none of that infatuation, “will she date me?” “Why is she with that loser?” crap that I had with April 23^rd and 24^th.  She was, strictly, a co-worker who thought I was “weird.”  I could live with that.

What struck me about April 22^nd wasn’t that she was lacking confidence, she wasn’t (or she hid that well).  It wasn’t that she had low self-esteem or good self-esteem.  What she taught me, or showed me, was that change can be good.

Throughout my life I’ve encountered people who are trying something new, whether it be religion or self-help or a diet or exercise program or…and they come to me and say: “Hey, Matt, check this out!”  And, for a while, I “check it out” and I watch the person change…for a bit and then old habits creep back in or stuff happens or whatever and they return to the way they were before. I mean, hell, that’s life.  And life is like that sometimes.

Do I put any stock in this?

For April 22^nd when I met her and worked with her, she was in massive amounts of debt.  We’d go to Nordstrom’s for lunch and she’d come back with a pair of shoes.  We’d go to Macy’s and she’d put something on her credit card.  It was a downward spiral and I couldn’t really help.  But then, she stopped.  Seriously.  She stopped.  Cold turkey.

She called Consumer Credit Counseling and she started the process to get herself out of debt and on the path of recovery.  I stood on the sideline waiting for the eventual habits to return.  The call of a good pair of flats that made her feet look “cute” with just enough toe cleavage to excite the boys.  But she didn’t fall off the wagon, hell, she drove that wagon.

Once she was out of debt, she went back to school to study art.  From there she got her Masters in Chicago.  She lost weight, took up training and teaching at the local gym.  She went to exclusive artists retreats, starred on a Reality Artist TV show that never got released.  Spent months in New York stalking Ann Curry outside of the Today show (seriously) and did an art piece on it.  She tried out, multiple times, to be on “Survivor.”

Ann Curry (little known fact, Stephen Curry's great Aunt - kidding)

If there ever was a survivor, it was April 22^nd.

But as her friend, I knew something was missing from her life and that was the cuddle of a boyfriend.  She had sporadic relationships that never seemed to go anywhere but then she hit her high school reunion and met a guy and they “clicked.”  From my distance (we worked far apart at this point) she was falling in love.  And I couldn’t be happier for her.  Everything was finally falling into place.

Then the relationship ended.  He was a dick who had been sleeping around on her and I offered to go punch him in the neck.

And here it was, finally, the precipice upon which she was going to fall.  The diet would be thrown out the window.  Art would have to wait.  She was going to spiral down so fast, it would make anyone’s head spin.  And not a person would blame her.

In a move I found very surprising, she owned the hurt.  She owned the pain.  She turned it around into something amazing.  She regrouped, refocused and became more positive about all the things in life.  Where I would have easily found a corner to go fetal with a jumbo bag of ranch Doritos she came through the fire stronger, braver and more focused.  I couldn’t be more proud, even though the offer to punch him in the neck was still on the table.

Yeah, kinda like this.  With probably as much force.

April 23^rd has known me over 35 years.  April 24^th has known me over 33 years.  April 22^nd has known me about 25 years.  But what they’ve taught me about women, about friendship, about love and strength and hurt and perseverance and about life goes beyond years.  It goes beyond the decades.  There’s no way I’m even a fraction of who I am today without these three women in my life.

I have many other female friends.  Some very close.  One even born on April 21^st.  And I’ll truly admit I haven’t been the best of friend to any of them.  But I try.

To the April trifecta, thank you for everything you’ve taught me, shown me and how you changed me.

Oh, and happy birthday.