When’s your birthday?
It takes but a moment to think about it. You put it on forms, on websites, on
credit-card applications, etc. It’s
RIGHT THERE on the tip of you memory lobe.
You might not know the actual DAY (I was born on a Thursday), but you know
the date. It doesn’t take a lot of
effort.
When’s your deathday?
Oh, well, that’s a bit trickier.
What would you do if you knew when your deathday was?
All this week (December 17th through 21st
) I’ve been battling a headache. I don’t
get headaches and this one is just lingering.
Never fully going away but not really debilitating, either. It’s just THERE. Sometimes it makes itself known, sometimes it
just lingers. It’s kind of like Regis
Philbin (sic?) in that respect. A
co-worker said it was a “tension” headache.
Sure. Whatever you say. I’ve taken meds, they don’t really help. But what could possibly be the cause of this
headache? Let’s see...
1.
I was panicked early in the week over a
potential gift for my son and then had “buyer’s remorse” but still, will think
he will like it....maybe.
2.
My friend’s best friend from high school is
dying of a brain tumor that is “taking a buzz saw to his nervous system.” He probably will die before the end of the
year – if not soon after.
3.
Saturday I have to deliver my 22 year-old
Twinkie to the buyer who bought it for $74.
Of course I had dreams of thousands.
The Kickstarter campaign is lagging but I need to kick it into gear soon
after the Holiday.
4.
Work has been looooooong as all week I’ve been
fielding calls in regards to a class action suit, including a call where the
man yelled at me because his “daughter died a few years ago and now his wife is
upset and he’s upset and he doesn’t want any more letters sent to him!” That’s fine, I didn’t send it to him. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a teensy bit
bad he got the letter in the first place.
5.
Then, of course, there’s the pall of the killing
of 26 people (20 of them children) in Connecticut that still lingers over
everything like a depressing fog.
6.
Lastly there’s the whole “World Will End
December 21st! – ‘Cause the Mayans predicted it!” thing that has
also been taking up synapses in the old gray matter. And all this has been pushing on my “deathday”
button. In other words: If you knew your deathday, what would you do?
I don’t mean to be morbid, especially 5 days out from
Christmas Day – but too many things have
happened (or are happening, or are rumored to be happening) that is causing me
to think of my own mortality. The
problem with mortality, is that when it rears its ugly, ugly face the only
thing it truly does is force you to turn around and look in a mirror.
What do you see in a mirror?
You see yourself – warts and all.
And no one sees you like YOU see you.
What do you also see? You see
what’s behind you. And that’s that ol’
mortality trick. When the reality of
sin, evil and death (Connecticut) or simply the reality of life and death (my
friend’s friend) sift to the surface it causes one to pause. Or SHOULD cause one to pause and take stock
of where you’ve been (all that stuff behind you in the mirror) and where you’re
going. But when you look in the mirror
you don’t see where you’re going. You see
you. And what are YOU doing about YOU?
So as the headache comes and goes, I wonder: “Is it a brain tumor?” “Am I dehydrated?” “Am I tired of fielding calls that at any
moment some guy is going to yell at me?”
“Did I get all the presents wrapped?”
“Will Nick like his gift?” What
kind of questions are these when I’m looking at myself? Back up the horse-cart, Billy, and think
about the future. The REAL future. YOUR future.
As if your deathday was tomorrow.
What would you do?
I would love or attempt to love. Because nothing is more important than that.
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