Two Dollar Key-Chain
From the “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished” category – I bring you my latest blog.
My mom turns 79 in a few weeks. She’s getting “up there” in age and I love her to death…but she’s been enormously trusting the last few years and that has got her into trouble.
You see – she just seems to kind of assume that if someone does something for you and hands you a bill…you pay it. No questions asked. Even if it SEEMS to be a bit high on the dollar side – it must be correct…right? Maybe she grew up in that “no one will cheat you out of a few bucks” generation – but it usually means that I, or Miriam, have to come in and clean up the mess.
A few years ago, my mother decided that she wanted to get on the internet. She spends, probably, an hour a day on the internet – but she wanted to upgrade her Verizon package into a high-speed internet behemoth. She’s using a cast-off computer that we gave her when we upgraded and why she needs the highest speed internet, I do not know. But it’s what the salesman told her and, by gum, that’s what she is going to get. At the time, I think, we were still on dial-up!
Verizon comes out, installs the high-speed internet, tacks on a couple more fees and…done. She gets her first bill and it’s nearly $700. Now, I see something like that and I’m on the phone to Verizon ripping someone, ANYONE, a new one. At the very least I’m drilling down to the details and figuring out how/what/what got me to that $700 amount. Anyone? They’re a phone company for Goshsakes – you can call them! But…my mom paid the bill. It was only after a few weeks she finally admitted to Miriam and I that she even got the bill in the first place and it “seemed kind of high.” You THINK?
What happened next was a bit of a surprise, though, because she called Verizon to talk about something else and the customer rep there saw the bill and wondered why it was so much. Seemed the install guy had actually charged for the free install and he actually charged for the free high-speed router and he tacked on an “insurance” fee in case the internet went dead or something or other. Seeing the error of their ways – they paid my mother back. Kinda. Seems these companies just do NOT like to write checks – so instead of cutting a check to pay someone back – they credit your account. It seemed, at this point, my mother would be getting bills of $4.00 for the next 18 months to make up for the astronomical over-charge but, nope. Suddenly she’s getting normal bills or “slightly lower” than normal bills. A quick call to Verizon and they’re like: “oh, don’t pay that bill, we’re making other arrangements” – or something. So then she wouldn’t pay that bill – only to get a letter saying that she better pay her bill(s) or they’ll shut off her package (which, of course, includes her phone and her television). I’m calling Verizon, she’s calling Verizon, everyone is calling Verizon. Finally it all gets shaken loose and Verizon finally cuts her a check. For $00.02. Yep. Two cents.
Verizon is no longer in the internet/cable business. It’s now “Frontier” and they, too, have had their sketchy moments.
This story, though, segues into my father’s “half” funeral. My father died a few years ago and had half of his ashes buried in Japan and wanted the other half of his ashes buried in upstate New York where he grew up. My brother and his family, my mom, and my family from Japan were all going to the funeral. We could only really afford for me to go. The flight(s) would be pretty simple. Seattle to Chicago. Chicago to Rochester. Rochester to Chicago. Chicago back to Seattle. A couple quick phone calls and I was the proud owner of e-tickets for approximately $300. A very good deal.
My mother has been with AAA ever since I can remember. It has saved us numerous times (and still does). I remember the trips we’d take camping and we’d use “trip-ticts” (the precursor to mapquest.com) and we’d have AAA camping guides that would give you the run-down on whatever camping sites were coming up in Podunk town. Many an hour we’d pour over those two items, looking at our itinerary and hoping that we’d stay at the KOA campground with the rec room (pinball machines) and heated pool and not at the National campground with the pit toilets and frigid cold stream access.
My mom LOVES AAA. When it came time for her to make arrangements for her flight for the half funeral – she went to AAA to make them. There were only a couple differences in her flight and mine. Difference one is that she wanted to arrive in Chicago on an earlier flight to meet up with my half brother and sister and she was going to leave a day or two later. Still – no prime days of travel. No weirdnesses in layovers. It was as basic as mine – except for arriving a tad earlier in Chicago. Cost: $800. Wait…what?
I figured that the cost would be SLIGHTLY higher. Not $500 higher! But…my mom pays for it…no questions asked. I went apoplectic: “What do you mean $800?! Are you kidding me? Did you talk to them?” She’s been a member of AAA since the mid 1800’s (or seemingly so) and she’s OLD! Doesn’t she discount for, at least, being OLD?
Realizing now that I’m some sort of monetary/travel genius, it just made sense that now I would become my mother’s travel agent. Never mind that all I did was going on the internet and find the same deals she could have found on the internet…her high speed, very expensive internet.
Finally in the fall of 2012, my mother and her sister decided they wanted to take a cruise up to Alaska for my mother’s birthday and for the experience. Good for them. Now it was up to me to find them the best deal. But…there was a hitch. And that hitch is a $2 keychain.
Over the years, my mother has volunteered for a place in Seattle called the “Mission to Seafarers.” Basically it’s an organization supported by the Episcopal Church and others to provide a place for sailors from around the world can get off the boat, hang out, watch TV, play pinball and relax. Maybe get a ride into downtown Seattle. Make a phone call home. Internet access, etc. My mom would create what she termed were “ditty bags” with would contain a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, candy, etc. to give to these various world travelers as they’d relax off the boat.
Because the “Mission to Seafarers” is growing organization – they need to do fundraisers. One of the fundraisers they do – is a lunch on a luxury cruise ship. For $50 you get a nice lunch, a few drinks, watch a promotional video and a “tour.” And the money goes to the Mission. Note, I put the word “tour” in quotes because, when we went on one, it’s basically some guy saying: “feel free to walk around the ship – just be off by 3 p.m.” And then we’re all left to our own devices to wander aimlessly, avoiding people coming on board with their luggage, and just getting a feel for the environment. No actual person leading us around and showing us things: “Here’s the casino – over there is the Lido Deck – we’re walking by the on-board theatre...” Nothing like that.
It was on one of these lunches where my mother wandered into a gift shop. While there she fell in love with a key-chain with the boat on it. And, golly, she wanted that key-chain. But, for some reason, she either didn’t have the money – or she wasn’t allowed to buy it because she wasn’t an actual passenger on the boat – she couldn’t get the key-chain.
When it came time for her to call me, her new travel agent, to make plans for her cruise to Alaska she made it very clear to me that she had to travel on THAT boat. Why? She wanted that darn key-chain. I asked her: “So, if I can find you a boat that is like, a hundred dollars less – but it’s not the same boat – you still want the boat with the key-chain.” “Yes” was her response. $100 savings v. $2 key-chain and the key-chain wins. And, I’m sure, those other boats have just as nice boat key-chains. Done and did.
All I have to say is that if she goes and doesn’t buy that damn key-chain, I’m not being her travel agent anymore.
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